What is in the sky?

The picture above is quite random and stolen from a friend's blog. Friends I haven't heard from months to be honest.

I don't know why. But the past is haunting me. Well, not exactly haunting me but more like... appearing in my head. Finally making me understand more about...who I am and who people are.

Yes, I have to admit that I miss home. I thought I would be alright here not missing Brunei at all. After all, isn't one of the reason why I want a scholarship is to start things over? But I realise I can't refresh my life. My life is not a webpage; find something wrong and can be easily refreshed. No, my life is more like... okay, I can't find any analogy at the moment. But it is just that I used to think that I appeared to be perfectly happy in everybody's eyes but truth to be told, I thought I was not...and had always wanted...things to be more. And I expected things to be the way I wanted.

But now, I realise how silly I was before..

I am now in an English school, far away from the ones I love. And still hoping for a change? Change? Hah. I don't think life will change the way I want it to be. I can't change my surrounding. I can't change myself if I don't want to. Experiences here made me compare my life in Brunei. And you ask, which one is better?

Hmm.. I can't say. I mean, I seriously like the fact that I have freedom here, to do things whatever I want, having the opportunity to go out wherever I want(during hols that is), tubing in London, and many more...

But in Brunei, there are people I really care. My family. No matter how many times I used to think I was alone but now, I realise I was not alone. I have those people all along.. and all I needed to do was just to voice out...

Sometimes I feel like I take things for granted. Now I feel like I am not the best person ever and I am missing home so much because I want to make...things right. I want to be more patient and hear people more. I want to be...better.

I want to go back home, not because I hate UK. Not because the people here are jerks and assholes. There are nice people too. (Come on, there are jerks and assholes in Brunei) No, it is not because of the food. Not because of the freaking freezing weather. Not because I can't cope with the rigorous studying and competition. (Puh-lease)

I just want to be a better friend to you, or a better brother, or a better son. And I can't wait to meet you.